The Labyrinth

“Science does not progress through the accumulation of facts. Rather science depends on the development of better and better paradigms.” Thomas Kuhn

I’m not certain of the acceptance of this statement at this time but it raises an interesting issue.

Paradigm: A broad system of theoretical assumptions that a scientific community uses to make sense of a common experience.

Many look at religion as the absolute result when all facts are laid aside to allow for “faith” to come in. Some feel that absolute faith is faith in the face of zero facts. That’s when faith becomes science. Religions such as Mormonism show off “continual revelation” as a great thing. Science facts of today may be bad science 100 years from now. A system of continual revelation is no different. No priesthood for blacks is now bad religion. Only in 1978 did Mormonism allow blacks the priesthood even though 2000 years ago, Jesus’ deciples placed no basis of God’s judgement and laws on being bond or free or male or female. Complete racial and sexual equality. In fact, those viewed as “lesser” people such as beggers, publicans, and Samaritans were given great praise and acceptance by their God that Mormons claim to be following. And the “higher” race dispised him for what he taught and did concerning them.

The paradigm of not so long ago was that the earth was flat. The common experience was the horizon. Even at the ocean percieving a curve is next to impossible. For all scientific purposes the horizon is flat therefore the earth must be flat. Then adventures started circling the earth. The paradigm shifted. And then we took a look from space and the idea of the earth being round is just as wrong. Now that we can see the whole picture, we stand on an oval. Not a flat earth or a cicular earth. But I have yet to find an oval shaped globe in a classroom.

I can’t call Evolution anything but a religion. I firmly belive that evolution among species and social evolution exists and continues today. Moths evole into different looking moths. No one can deny it. Islands in the south pacific have thousands of birds which look and act vastly different yet they all started as one bird. There are enough similarities such as color bands to deny that fact. But to say we evolved from anything but humans is in my mind ridculous. But the paradigm exists for scientists and any ideas suggesting they may be wrong are rationalized and cast out. Until the paradigm shifts, all evolutionary scientists will remain with equal beliefs. If any one evolutionist decides to change views and the larger group discounts his findings, he or the idea is removed. Not both can remain or the paradigm would be threatened.

Where facts and “faith” or paradigms colide, that which is accpeted by the most people at the time is considered part of the overall belief system. Gallileo was cast out because his paradigm differed from his fellow scientists. Until the group as a whole finally agreed and their paradigm shifted to allow for his idea, he was cast out.

Now we shift back to the religious side of this topic. In a Lutheran church, reality is nap time during the sermon and four part harmony during hymns. Reality is giving as you wish duing offering. In a Mormon church reality is walking around during sacrament, naps take place any time. Reverance seems to be optional except during the actual passing of the sacrament. When it’s time for sacrament the person offering the prayer will repeat the prayer until ever word is spoken perfectly. First time I attended it took five tries. All reverence ceased because of a poor kid’s folly. Reality is giving 10% no more no less to the church. It doesn’t matter when you give it, but it must be 10% of your earnings or you will not be allowed to enter the temple or be considered worthy.

So which paradigm is “correct.” To a Mormon this is reality. To a Lutheran, this is reality. Accepting anything else is to be considered not of your religion. The reality of Lutheranism and all like Christianity as a whole is that you will never be like God or a lesser god period. However the Mormon reality states otherwise. Until one paradigm shifts neither group can mingle based on that and other less significant doctrinal differences. Until one group denouces their version, you will never find a Mormon Lutheran.

One person may do so but in order for the religion to change, the entire group must accept the paradigm shift. And once again, anyone who disagrees with the new set of beliefs will not be considered part of the the group.

Where Mormonism is based on continuing revelation, it’s not so shocking for your NT teacher to have a call to repentance for focusing too much on works and not enough on grace. That’s one light bulb I for one didn’t need turned on. To call what I already believed new revelation seemed silly. To them it brought a hush to the room.

But this is perceived reality. You only know what you are shown. If you are shelterd from other ideas or just afraid to accept them, your mind will close. I’m not saying we need to accept that the world is flat if someone says it is. We need to step back and see that the answer sometimes is neither A nor B but actually C. C being the answer no one considered before. But many a time are people killed because of A and B. And now we see how silly they both were when we see they were all wrong and the big picture shows we are standing on an oval shaped planet. The first step to the freedom of the mind is simply to focus on facts and let your paradigms converge to fit them. Not the other way around. If you can’t do that I’ll prove to you the sky is black and speckled. Just always step outside around midnight on clear nights.

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Neitzsche once, perhaps many times, said that there was only one Christian and he died on the cross. All others are hypocrites. It does seem many times that those who profess to be Christian are so caught up in how good they are and how “God changed them to be better people” that they forget how horrible of people they are. Actually my favorite is when those who recognize their sinfulness are so proud of it. Like those who wear sackcloth and ashes for all to see. They quickly fall under condemnation for seeking praise for their pity and obviously false humility.

And perhaps is may happen that we are one day told to praise another and see how long it takes for someone to say “yeah but…” and say something awful. And we think we’re the best because we thought of so many nice things to say yet back in the recess of our minds we had said “yeah but…” before even opening our mouth to do the assignment.

1 Corinthians 13:2
“And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.”

Many times our praise goes to those who donate things like money to build a new church. And we think those people are so wonderful that we make a little plaque with their name on it and permanently attach it to the church building for all to see. One then has to wonder if the pat on the back by so many was worth the price paid. Was the person really helping or merely looking for assurance that they are a good person? We sometimes feel the need to prove not only to ourselves but to the world that we are good people.

And by chance we are given an assignment to do something for someone we care about without them knowing to see how much it bothers us. A test of true charity. And we quickly decide that we can do it. And we do something and they never find out. And then we talk about how we pulled it of. We may not get the praise of the recipient but in the end we do get the praise. Perhaps from others. Perhaps from ourselves when we have further convinced ourselves that we are good people. And then we ask whether or not we would do such a thing had it not been for the assignment or an important event like Christmas or a birthday.

Galatians 5:14
For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Long ago I was in a discussion with some LDS and a Bible-Only Christian stated that “denying all ungodliness is impossible.” The LDS then asked “what part of ungodliness is so hard to deny?” What resulted is my favorite discussion.

I asked “Would you take the place of a murderer on death row so that they could have more time to learn about Christ and be saved? Would you die for a prostitute?”

The LDS responded that the murder and prostitute were destined for destruction and there was nothing she should or could do about it. I then asked what made her better than the prostitute. It wasn’t the most pleasant response from her after that but the point is made. Perfect love is impossible. Therefore denying all ungodliness is impossible. Also note that Jesus did everything mentioned in the question.

And now we are given an assignment to talk to three neighbors and three foreign students. I suppose as some sign that we have at least some love for our neighbors. I have to wonder then again if anyone who fulfills this portion would have done so without the assignment to complete. It’s very easy to show love to a good man but to walk down VanBuran and talk to a prostitute would be inconceivable to most everyone. And once the assignment is done, how many will care to learn three more things about each person talked to before without any assignement?

Matthew 5:43-44
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”

The fourth and final part of the assignment is this. To do something for your enemy and let them know. If you truly love your neighbors, as is asked to be demonstrated in part three, I would have to ask how you could possibly have an enemy to start. I can think of none that I would call an enemy. I cannot say I’m a better person for not having enemies. I’m just better and not bothering myself with people who only use me.

Nietzsche is very correct for the most part that most Christians are hypocrites. But to condemn the whole for the ignorance of the many is not correct. Many religions and variations thereof push the goodness of the group. They like to show off how good their people are. Goodness is the fruit that proves truth to many. Yet the fruit is rotten with hypocrisy. Looking juicy on the outside but filled with worms of pride on the inside.

The fulfillment of such an assignment as this is not the proof of goodness. The fulfillment is the continuation of the assignment outside of the grade. There will be those who will finally recognize that doing what Christ asked is nearly impossible. Some of those may finally figure out what true Christianity is. Others may look for easier laws like not drinking caffeine so they can fulfill such laws and feel good about themselves again. And others may fulfill the assignment and fall under the condemnation of hypocrisy when then never think to do such things again without being told or given the opportunity to tell anyone who will give them a pat on the back with a grade or a good word. For others this assignment has been completed time and time again throughout their life.

I would rather not actually do the assignment than do it only for the grade and fall under the hypocrisy criticized rightly by Nietzsche and even Christ himself. I live my life and I do what I am naturally inclined to do. I don’t believe it will make me a better person to talk to a bunch of people and not really remember or truly care what any one of them has told me. I don’t believe I’ll be a better person by proving to myself that being told, I would concede to doing something nice to anyone. The laws of God do condemn me. At least I’m honest about it. And that’s what makes me a true Christian.

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One day, as I was pondering the answer given to me by the all knowing computer, I began to meditate. In my dream I was standing at the base of a large mountain. There were all types of people surrounding the base of it. I looked behind me and I saw there was nothing. The only place to go was up. When I looked up however I became very discouraged for there was no way to see the top. High above me were storm clouds so thick it was impossible to see past them. I mused that I should take a helicopter to the top. However the storms made that impossible. I could see lightening and hear the thunder. I guessed that the clouds were midway up though in reality no accurate judgement could possibly be made.

Seeing that standing around was doing no good I began to walk around the mountain to see what I could find. The first group of people I saw was covered in dirt and beating themselves. I began to ponder why such sorrow. They looked at me and covered their faces. I was puzzled so I walked over and asked them why they were so sad. They said that they were stuck and there was no where for them to go. I inquired as to why they didn’t even try to go to the top of the mountain. They responded that to try would be futile. There seemed to be no way up and seeing as where we were was bland and empty, the chances of their being anything farther up was very slim. They pointed to the clouds and said that it was a sign that no one will ever get to the top and no one should even try. And so they continued in their sadness and sat in the dirt.

And so I continued to the next group. I saw that they were building ladders to try to make an easy way up the mountain. Day and night they would work and work, trying to build a tall enough ladder. Some made it quite high but in the end would fall due to the weakness of the materials at such a length. Others would wait for others to build a ladder and then try to use it themselves only to find it couldn’t support their weight and the weight of the builder. As I watched, I saw many fall. The injuries were great, yet they were always fully healed almost instantly. And again they would try certain that their work would eventually get them to the top. And again they would fall.

It was too sad to watch and so I moved on. In the next group I saw a man standing in front of a crowd telling them of how he reached the top and what they must do to reach the top also. I also looking for the way up went over to listen to his story. On the outside of the crowd were many scoffers. “If he made it to the top, why is he back down here?” Some would defend the man and say “He has made it to the top and come back down to help others.” And so I went into the thick crowd. He spoke of all the things he did and what is required to make it to the top. Others, who had heard the whole story already began following his teachings and tried to make it to the top. One by one they all fell back down. Those who were watching the ones climbing began to murmur amongst themselves as to why none could reach the top following the teachings. As it got louder the man replied that they were all failing because they were doing it exactly right or they weren’t trying hard enough. I thought to myself that it was all a foolish venture and continued on.

As I continued walking, I began to see a steady stream of people walking up a narrow path near the back of the mountain. It seemed like a good venture. I went to take a closer look. When I got to the base of the path I noticed that many were going up and many we coming back down. I asked one of the returning people why they came back down. He responded that the storm was too fierce and that it was impossible to make it through. I then asked if any tried to brave the storm and he responded that some did and that they were fools, for they never came back. I then asked if perhaps it was possible that they made it through. He laughed and told me they were obviously killed. After a bit, there came a person walking over professing he had found a better way. I noticed that it was one of the people present at the previous group. He started reciting the teachings of the man and many from this group began to listen. I began to tell them what I saw and they became angry and asked if I had ever reached the top. I told them no and they asked why I should feel so inclined to doubt that someone else had. I could only watch them walk away.

I looked up the narrow mountain path and decided to that I should give it a try. Given the other options, it didn’t seem such a foolish idea. It wasn’t long before I was a ways up. As I got farther I saw more and more walking back down cursing the path and calling them selves fools. I asked what was the matter and they said the storm was too fierce and that no one could possibly pass through it alive. The cursed their time wasted on a venture that led no where. I almost turned myself but something told me to keep going. And so I continued walking. The road was not very difficult and soon I began to approach the storm. As I got closer the winds were stronger and the thunder was deafening. I looked up and saw many leaving the path trying to avoid the winds only to be cast off the mountain by them. And so I continued on the path. I had made it this far. Only misery lied below and I had nothing to lose. Soon I was into the storm. The winds were so fierce I had to get on my knees and grip the mountain to keep from being blown off. Lightening seemed to strike at my feet as I slowly made my way past. I heard screams and I knew many were not making it through. I felt there was no turning back and so I continued to hold fast to the mountain and crawl on my knees. The rain became so hard I had to close my eyes to avoid the pain of the rain hitting them. Blindly I continued forward.

After wait seemed an eternity the storms finally began to calm. I opened my eyes and saw the before me the top of the mountain. I looked behind me and saw the top of the storms. I was overjoyed to have made it through. Of the many that started the walk ahead of me, few were left to finish. As I continued I became thirsty and drank from the brook that flowed next to the path. I became hungry and ate from the trees that grew nearest to the path. I looked farther out and saw trees with fruit which seemed more delicious than what I was eating. I was tempted to stray from the path. I looked and saw a man and a woman sharing a fruit. Soon after the ground beneath them failed and they slid down the mountain. I saw others also trying to get the better fruit and fall.

After a long while I finally reached the top. In front of me was a large gate with a man standing in front. One by one people walked up to him. Some were let in but many were turned aside. As my turn grew nearer I was greatly discouraged. I listened to the discussion ahead of me. I heard the man guarding the gate ask “How did you get here?” “I climbed the path and passed through the storm and prairie.” “How did you find the path?” “I saw many going up it and followed.” “How did you pass through the storm?” “I held my head high and pushed ahead with all my might.” “How did you make it through the prairie?” “I used my strength in my legs to walk, and the strength in my arms to pick the fruit and the cup of my hands to drink the water.” “Why should I let you pass through this gate?” “Because I have finished the journey and passed through all the trials.” “That’s all well and good but I have no idea who you are, you’ll have to return to the bottom.” The man cursed many curses and went away very sorrowful.

I walked to the man and he asked me “How did you get here?” “I…I climbed the path and passed through the storm and prairie.” “How did you find the path?” “I don’t know…I was walking and I just happened to come across it.” “How did you pass through the storm?” “I closed my eyes to keep the rain from my eyes. I got on my knees and trusted the strength of the mountain to hold me as I went forward.” “How did you make it through the prairie?” “I drank from the water of the mountain from the brook near the path. I ate the fruit which grew from the soil of the mountain.” “Why should I let you pass through this gate?” “Because according to this paper, you guided me here.” “As you know me, so I know you. You may come in.”

As I passed through the gate I woke from my meditation. I realized then that when it comes to our reaching whatever it is that comes after this life, in all honesty no body knows how to get there. Only by trusting in some other force to guide you there, will any have the hope. That is the answer to the ultimate question. And that is the ultimate promise.

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One evening I decided to call my friends together for dinner to discuss things. As I was waiting I arranged the table. I placed myself at the head, Neitzsche at the opposite end, Augustine at my right and Hume to my left. For dinner I supposed we should try something different so I prepared some lamb, bread and red wine.

Soon I heard the door bell, I quickly finished setting Neitzsche’s place and went to answer the door. “Hi Friedrich! Can I call you Fred?” “How are you? And…sure.” “Have a seat, I’m just waiting for the other guests to arrive.” “Neat.” “Yeah, I even made cool little name thingies so you can easily find your seat.” “You shouldn’t have.” “Actually I just wanted to put what I learned today in my youth club to use.” “Well then, I guess I’ll find my seat and sit down. Wow, it’s even written all fancy.”

I went to the kitchen to check on dinner and it almost was done. Then I heard the door bell again. “Hey David!” “Hello, you! Hey, Fred what’s up?” “Hi David! Hey, look at this! Name plates!” “Um…neat.” “Well you have a seat and I’ll go check on dinner while we wait for Augustine to arrive.” Dinner was absolutely perfect. I started thinking about the lamb that was slaughtered so that we could live by eating its flesh. I felt kind of bad but then remembered that the Roman Meat Shop had killed it. We were just eating it. I stopped feeling bad.

And then the door bell rang again. “How’s it hanging Saint?” “Please don’t joke about that sort of thing, you know that was my biggest issue…” “Sorry man, how’s it going?” “Great. Hey guys!” “Hello Augustine!” “Well have a seat and I’ll go grab dinner.” “Well look at this…name plates.” “Made them myself!”

I quickly went to the kitchen and grabbed the meal. I brought it to the table and started passing it around beginning with Augustine. “Lamb, bread and red wine?” “Well, it was Passover not to long ago and I thought this would be a good dinner.” Fred looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. “Isn’t this a little twisted?” Augustine responded back “Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you. It’s very clear that Christ expected us to eat of his flesh.” I looked at Fred “Yes, it’s very clear what Jesus expected us to do.”

David was very puzzled, “Do you mean that we are to literally eat of his flesh? Or does this bread and meat mearly represent it?” “It would be impossible to eat of his literal flesh therefore it would be symbolic.” I answered. “So what you’re saying then is that God is dead and you have eaten him.” Joked Fred.

“How do you come to know things?” Asked David. “For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.” Responded Augustine, “God allows us to understand and to know.” “Perhaps, but how do you know you’re knowledge is real?” “By our senses. I know that a tree is real because I can touch it.” “Then how do you know that God is real?” “It is faith.” “And how do you come to the knowledge of having faith?” “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” “How is it that you can discern faith from desire?” David continued, “Many a man has had faith that a woman should take him. Yet soon that faith was seen as desire and the desire was in want of an illusion. How can you be sure that your own faith is actually the desire for what in reality is an illusion?”

“I can look at my life and see God working in it.” I responded. “Many a Hindu can see their God in their life as well.” Answered Fred. “But I have been persecuted for my faith. Why would people persecute a lie?” “Many a Jew have been persecuted for their faith and you say they follow lies.” “It was not persecution but God’s judgement.” “You disgust me for the one thing I know is that there was one Christian, and he died on the cross. All others are merely hypocrites.” “How do you call me a hypocrite?” “You speak one thing of love and compassion and then pass God’s judgement on all things that you deem bad. I’m leaving.” “Well, have a nice night!”

I looked through my notes to see if I could continue the conversation without him and found that there was nothing there. It didn’t matter. Whatever such a nonbeliever as him had to say could be nothing of importance. That is why I placed him at the foot of the table.

“You say that evil is God’s judgement. If so then when the rain falls on both the good and the evil, is God judging all?” Asked David. “Some things are just past our understanding.” “If there are times when bad things happen just because, how do you decide which is judgement and which is life?” “The Bible says so.” I looked at Augustine. “Don’t look at me, this is your hole. Evil is the lack of good. Judgement is the consequence of evil. Judge not that you be judged. All are evil. If you are to judge the Jews evil, you should receive the same punishment.” “Is good and evil and judgement therefore your proof of God?” asked David. “It is tangible evidence that God does work in this world.” I responded. “Is it not true that God is incapable of evil?” “It is true God cannot do evil. He merely allows it.” Said Augustine. “Then, sir, if evil exists apart from God, cannot also good?”

I looked at David and said “Sir, why do you not listen? We are giving you the answers and you reject them.” “Well then I should be off shouldn’t I.” “Good night sir!” “Good sir, is an illusion of what is comfortable to you.” “Whatever…” “I will speak with you perhaps another day.”

He took his jacket and walked out the door. I knew this discussion would be fruitless to such a man and so I had placed him to my left. My judgements have always been correct. To my right was my best friend, Augustine; a theologian, a philosopher, a writer. I asked him, “which of those present tonight did you agree with?” “I agreed with me, sir. I have studied the scriptures and have examined them by the scriptures. I have also examined them by views not my own. I look to others for ideas and to the scriptures for verification of those ideas.” “And what ideas have you learned tonight?” “That you have are ignorant in your knowledge and in need of real understanding. Good evening.” “Um…yes good night.”

And so I drove away from that dinner party to my house. To continue my studies and to examine the questions asked tonight. I would have left sooner but I wished to speak my mind to my host. That is why I was last to leave. He may be stubborn but he makes me think. And to make others think is not a gift to be tossed away.

No longer in the set of the story I see a progression of true ideas with these three guests. Augustine came to Christianity by a recognition and acceptance of his immorality. He was always aware of his sin and he needed peace. Hume came and saw there was no proof for God’s existence through any physical impression. There is no true idea of God because none have seen him or have any means to compare him. Therefore because no physical proof of God exists, many sought after a social proof. God is the source of good therefore if I am good God must be in me. If God is in me then God exists. Neitzsche came along and saw right through the illusion of goodness by the many hypocritical Christians and deduced that God was indeed dead and that we had killed him. Even in Christian doctrine Neitzshe was correct. Through our sin we did kill Christ who is God. The greatest of those sins is hypocrisy, which abounds within the walls of the faith we think we possess.

Still today many reject Christianity on the hypocrisy shown by many of its members. I would too but I believe there is a source of truth and so I agree with Augustine and try to do as he did. I try to see the world and myself as they are and look for answers to questions people ask no matter how difficult they seem.

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Once upon a time I was asked to not lie for a week. The assignment was to not lie and write a paper about how hard it is. If by chance I did lie, it’s required that I spill my story and tell the truth. Well here goes.

I don’t lie. I can say this first off because good people don’t lie. And I’m a good person. I’m not just saying that either. I say it because that’s what people say about me. They say I’m a good person. And I know for certain that these people’s opinion can be trusted. I talk to them all the time and they’d catch me if I lied. Sometimes I even ask them if they think I ever lie and they always say no. They are always impressed with my honesty and sometimes comment that it’s hard to find people like me these days.

A lot of times at work I get compliments. I work in a pizza place and deal with people constantly. I always smile because I like my job and I like to see people come in to take advantage of what I have to offer them. When they first walk up to my register I have a nice smile and ask them how they’re doing. I’d like to chat more but business is business so I have to take their order and move to the next person quickly. As I take their order I listen very intently to what they have to say. I write everything down very carefully and let them know that I am listening. When they’re done I realize that sometimes what they ordered might not be enough so I ask them if they’d like a few extras like breadsticks, a salad or chicken wings. I like to be helpful. I know they appreciate it because there is nothing worse then going to a restaurant and leaving feeling like you should have eaten more and knowing you’ll have to wait another 15-20 minutes for that extra bite of food.

Once I’ve got their order down I tell them the total cost. They are more than happy to pay the price because it’s a great value and because they know the money is going towards something they’ll really enjoy. If they give me cash I like to give back a good number of smaller bills like ones and fives so that it’s convenient for them to give a bit of money to the kids so they can go play games while the food is being prepared. It also allows the parents to avoid having to come back up and ask me for change. I’d love to talk to them again but I have to make things easier on everyone.

Sometimes they pay with credit cards. That’s very nice. I just slide the card, hit the credit button and put in the total. I like to use credit as much as possible because that way the customer doesn’t have to go to the trouble of putting in the pin number. When I tear off the slip for them to sign it, I place the tip of the pen next to the word “tip” on the slip. I like to let the guest know that it’s okay to give a little extra to show me that they appreciate how helpful I’m being. Sometimes they leave me a tip. When they do, I wait until they go sit down and then type in the numbers on the original slip and add in the tip amount. I think it’s more polite to wait until they’re not looking.

When their food comes out of the oven I personally get it cut into as perfectly sized slices as possible. I get just enough plates and napkins and walk out to their table with a big smile because I like my job and I enjoy giving them the best of my service. A set it down and tell them what it is I brought them so they can be assured I got it right for them. I then ask if there’s anything else that I can get them. The food looks so good I’m tempted to ask if I can have a bit and enjoy the meal with them. But, business is business so I have to take care of the next guest.

Sometimes though something goes wrong. Sometimes the order gets lost. When that happens, it’s my job to assure the guest that everything is okay. I always walk out with a smile and inform them that they’re order may be just a few minutes longer than they expected. Sometimes guests want to watch a sports game on TV. They ask me to change the channel but I have to say no. I tell them it has to stay on children’s programming. Sometimes though shows like “All in the Family” are on and though it may not be a children’s program, it’s on a typically children’s network. Besides, I know that it’s best if the parents take the time to talk to each other. Going out isn’t for watching TV on a TV smaller than the one they probably have at home. It’s family time. And that’s what this job is all about. Getting families to enjoy themselves.

I’m as honest in my personal life as I am at work. If people ask me questions about where I was or what not, I’m glad to give an answer. Most of the time my parents don’t even ask. They know I’m safe and that’s all they care. I like that because it’s an issue of trust. If they really want to know where I was at 4am in the morning I always give them the answer they really want to hear. I don’t believe it’s necessary to give a lecture when all that’s needed is a simple answer. Where was I? I was at the pool hall. There’s no harm at the pool hall. I was only doing things I knew were okay. If my parents trust me to take care of myself, then I’m sure that what I see as okay, is okay for them.

As you can see I’m very honest and open about myself. Well, okay I’m lying. But I don’t think I’m a liar, I merely avoid the truth. You don’t have to exactly tell lies to do that. At work its business sense. If I didn’t act the part I wouldn’t be getting paid to do the part. In a personal life it’s avoiding the truth. If you don’t ask, why should I tell? Is that really lying? I don’t think so.

On any typical day I have no reason to lie. People don’t generally ask questions to try to get me to admit to things. On any given day I don’t generally start things I might be forced to admit to later on. I tend to get whatever I want, do whatever I want and on any given day I have no one to answer to.

It’s not hard to not lie. Lies build up. If you don’t have a lie to build on then you won’t add any more lies to the stack. I’ve found that by putting on the image of good I can get whatever I want. On the off chance I do something that if brought to question would prompt a lie, I am careful to construct a barrier of truth to ward off direct questions. I may have done something wrong but until I am forced to admit or deny, I cannot be called a liar. Over the last week there was not a single incident that would bring to light any wrong doing and prompt me to lie. I was completely justified in everything I said. Therefore I can say I do not lie. I do not lie because I’m a good person. And that’s the truth.

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I’ve been a Lutheran all my life. At least that’s the type of church I attend. I did everything expected. I went to church every Sunday and attended Sunday school and vacation bible school. The latter being the most looked forward too when I was younger. Then I grew up and attended catechism. I can vaguely remember it. I wasn’t really looking for anything at the time and just did the routine of what I was expected to do.

I remember attempting to get into religious debates with a Catholic friend of mine way back in junior high. I never won and eventually gave up. I don’t even remember what we argued about. All I know is that it’s hard to debate when you don’t know anything to begin with. Later on, I was introduced to the LDS church’s doctrines. My dad has a copy of a 1971 Sunday school book. What was most interesting to me was the black Cain. I decided to check out the verse references to see what was up with the book only to find that none of the verses were in the Bible. I was then shown a Book of Mormon and just blew it off because it wasn’t the Bible.

One year much later my pastor was talking about Mormonism and how you shouldn’t even read the Book of Mormon because the book will suck you in if you’re not careful. He compared it to teasing a dog on a chain. The truth of the matter was that I wasn’t really interested in the Book of Mormon or the Bible at that point. Church had just become a Sunday routine. I pretty much assumed that all I needed was to go to church, do my best not to sleep during the sermon and listen in Sunday school. If I did that, it was all I needed. I really didn’t have time for anything else and I had no motivation to make time.

Then came my senior year. I really hadn’t accomplished much and this was my last chance to make an impression. Homecoming came around and I was determined to go. After all, it was my last chance. So I made up my mind to ask a certain girl out. Of course I was way to shy to actually do it unless I was certain that she was interested in me. So I asked a friend of mine to see what she had to say about me. Well, she and him hit it off nicely and that was that. On Halloween that year we all dressed up for marching band and my friend came as a minister. But his “Bible” was the Book of Mormon. I conceded that night to him that she was happy and he was happy and that there were plenty of fish in the ocean and one-day I’d find someone.

And one day I did. Two weeks before prom a girlfriend of a friend decided to hook me up with a friend of hers who needed a date for prom. I started asking about this girl and everything fell into place. I would describe this probably as my first real religious experience. Like an absolute lack of doubt. That feeling I had caused me to be able to ask a complete stranger out and know it was going to work. The next day I asked her to prom and she said yes. We had one date before prom. It took only a month to know my experience was real and something was right.

For awhile before that experience I knew my manager was dating an LDS guy and that she was absolutely devoted to him. The only thing stopping them was religion. She wasn’t going to budge and neither was he. Shortly after prom I learned that my date was Mormon. But, something happened that day awhile back and I knew that religion wasn’t going to be an issue for us because I knew that if it were as right as I felt it was, I could find the answer. I knew Mormonism was wrong and I was confident I could pull my new girlfriend from it. And so I set out to do just that.

I still tend to question what happened two years ago that changed me so much. I may have desired something so much that when the hint of it becoming mine came along I rationalized so much that I started to believe more than I should have. And I believed it so much that I set aside my previous personality of being shy and adopted a newer bold version that could do what I believed I could do. Or maybe something really did happen. Maybe I did have a true religious experience that began me down the path to spirituality. Maybe I had a real experience, intended to show a real purpose but I focused too much on what I desired.

Within a month of dating her I called my pastor to ask what I should do. “It’s only been a month.” Was repeated many times. But I knew something was right and I had to make it work. Eventually he said that I need to explore both Christianity and Mormonism. And that’s what I began to do. That summer I began my study of Mormonism.

I ended up attending the Mesa LDS Institute enough to earn a 4-year degree in only one year’s time. It was a good challenge to balance the relationship and religion. It wasn’t long before I found what convinced me I couldn’t believe Mormonism. I also knew enough to know that bringing it up would only destroy the relationship I was convinced was intended. After all, with in a few months the idea of marriage didn’t seem so weird. We both tossed the idea around. The parents cringed however. That idea further sealed me into the idea that she was the purpose of everything I was doing.

From the experience I knew something was supposed to happen. And so it was a constant battle to study religion and contemplate how to get her out but to be secretive enough about what I was doing as to not destroy what I wanted. I firmly believed by this time that what was intended was that she would be converted and we’d live happily ever after.

Then Christmas came around and I become overconfident in what I knew. I sent her one of my studies titled “The Perfect Sacrifice” which was the solid proof I had been looking for. To date I’ve yet to find someone who will take it on. My accumulating arrogance over the year cost me the relationship though. The doors were shut in my face and it was over. I couldn’t speak to her or see her or anything. Her entire family absolutely hated me for what was written in that paper.

During the break I finally gave up on Mormonism and went into the Bible only. I started organizing the four gospels and that’s when I had my second real experience and change. I finally realized that it wasn’t about her. I suddenly began to really understand what I believed and that’s when I realized what my first experience was all about. It wasn’t to make me realize I found “the one” but now I recognized a calling. Soon after I realized that, things changed. Her family opened the hearts and we got back together. Though I knew our relationship would never be the same.

On one of the mailing lists the idea came up that God will give someone something with the condition they do something for him. A Samuel type gift. It was then that I really understood why I had met her. It wasn’t to convert her and her family. It was to convert me. It was to get me to realize that I have a gift. It wasn’t long after that that I was being compared to Saint Augustine. People on the lists were always commenting on how much I knew and because my arrogance nearly cost me everything, I pushed it aside. I’m still a bit arrogant however when it comes to what I know. A fault I’ve recognized and continue to work on.

In May the relationship was officially over though we continued to be friends. I knew it was for the good but still wouldn’t have minded if it had all worked the way that I originally thought it would. I still studied Mormonism and debated with them but my focus was now the Bible and teaching those who had already left the LDS church. Over a period of 8 months I compiled hundreds of pages of Bible studies. On my 19th birthday I officially stopped everything. In a year and a half of studying I had become so burnt out trying to figure things out. I decided to unsubscribe from all the lists and focus on being a kid again. Friends had started commenting on how serious I had become. It had become all about religion. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Four months after getting out of the religious mindset I rediscovered my creative mindset and broke free of the chains I had locked myself into by deluding myself with the idea that I was meant to do something now and that everything would work out when I wanted it to. I had assumed I knew more than I did not realizing how blind I really was.

I believe that’s also an aspect of the religious experience. It’s impossible to tell what’s real and what’s not. I know I experienced something in April of 1998 that forever changed who I am. But it took me two years to realize what it was really supposed to lead me to. It wasn’t to show me “the one.” It wasn’t to show me that I had a mission to convert LDS.

A psychologist would concede that I felt something real and something happened. However the behaviors I took on were a result of my own bad reasoning. But the end result has shown me what was real. The only real thing that resulted from the initial experience was that I have a gift. And wasting gifts is a sin. I’ve reached what I believe to be the correct conclusion that I was led to understand something that most don’t take the time to do. When I was younger I didn’t take the time to study what was real and what was not. I was spoon-fed doctrine, which I accepted because I didn’t care to question them. Now that I have knowledge that is good for others I believe that I am meant to share it. Who I affect with what I know is not something I’m meant to know.

I believe a true religious experience is a path of understanding, which doesn’t come in an instant. People experience things and sometimes they can be correctly understood in a short time. But usually our will overpowers what is true. Which is why we need to question ourselves. While at the Institute I was viewed very much as a golden contact. One that is led by God to the church and one who will be converted because that’s what’s meant to happen. To them, they believed my experience led them to the church. I interpreted my experience according to what I believe and they according to what they believe.

And that’s what happens. Everyone has an answer to why something happens. Only the person who experiences it and ponders it and works with it will ever come to realize the truth about what they felt and why it happened to them. How I interpret what happened and why has been changing over the past couple years and piece by piece comes into view. I now know that I have a gift and that I need to use it. But it may take years before I realize what will come of it.

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According to some, it’s okay that a religion has false doctrines as long as good people are produced by it. Now consider Santa Claus. The basic premise of Santa Claus is that if you’re a good little boy or girl you’ll be reworded with gifts come Christmas. Is Santa Claus therefore a good thing because it makes little kids behave? Now consider the parents. Lying to their children to make them behave. Apparently it’s become so socially acceptable to lie to people in order to get them to behave that thanksgiving has become almost completely ignored in the commercial department. Thanksgiving ironically being the only holiday that has real meaning to everyone regardless of religion. However most have forgotten that too.

Back to the parents. Now perhaps the children behave a little better because of a lie, but are the parents better people for lying to their children? It may seem socially acceptable and therefore okay but consider that most religions are simply embellished Santa’s. The leaders are the parents and the members are the children. The leaders tell their members if they don’t do such as such their Santa is going to send them to hell or what not. And the over trusting members buy it. Like children they trust their parents without question. Some so-called religions go so far as to step beyond doing things to avoid hell, but claim that if you doubt those who teach you, you’re a bad person and you’ll go to hell.

But on the other hand, they tell you that if you do such and such you’ll experience something. The LDS church is the one I know best for this type of experience. If you pray about the Book of Mormon, then you’ll receive confirmation that it’s true because of a burning in the bosom as they call it. If you pray and don’t get the experience you’re told to try harder. Is a forced or greatly willed experience really religious?

What a religious experience is, is when Gods works in us to will and to do of his good pleasure. And we have the religious experience will when we recognize Him working in us. The most obvious feature and one that can be studied is the change in a person to be better.

Ezekiel 11:18-20
18 And they shall come thither, and they shall take away all the detestable things thereof and all the abominations thereof from thence.
19 And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:
20 That they may walk in my statutes, and keep mine ordinances, and do them: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God.

Assuming that God is good and His statutes are good, this is talking about what we call a religious experience. An outward change in a human to be better. To recognize a change in one’s self. This is where we appear to be accepting lies. In the question “What are Gods statutes?” And we also know that “it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” If a group believes that not eating meat is a statute of God and that only by the power of God could they keep that commandment, then that to them would be a religious experience. Of if a group believes that going to the temple to perform ceremonies is a statute of God and they do it, then that to them is a religious experience. It’s a religious experience because God is working in them to do what they believe is His will.

And this is accepted. We accept lies and call it a religious experience because a good person comes from it. People believe and accept and obey. And they feel something they are expected to. And they ponder and consider what has overcome them. And we feel justified. You think you’re said something real and they think they did something real. But in reality it’s all a lie because the goodness comes from a lie and the lie comes from the evil.

So how then does one know if they’ve experience something real? It’s quite simple. When no one has to tell you how to experience it. It’s why real religious experiences cannot be studied. Think of it. How many Ghandi’s are there? How many Jesus Christ’s? How many Buddha’s? And people seem to have given up on real experiences to rely on the experiences of those mentioned before. In place of real experiences we have accepted lies and we pretend that we can study those lies and come up with real data and call it research in religious experiences.

Another problem with religious experiences is that they can only be interpreted by the current beliefs of the people who have them. For instance when I really felt something powerful about a person I never met, I instantly made up my mind to ask her to prom. It only took a few months before marriage wasn’t such a silly idea. And that idea remained and grew stronger until the end when we both knew that religion would always be a barrier. She’s LDS. In the beginning I interpreted the experience to be all about her.

I knew Mormonism was an issue so I set out to basically convert her. And she hoped that I would be converted along the way. If it were meant to be I knew things would eventually work out. And since the experience led me to believe it was meant to be I had little doubt things would be fine. We built a very strong relationship as a result because we would make up our minds to make it through anything. And we almost did.

But soon it became apparent that it wasn’t going to happen and that’s when the rational mind comes in. If it’s not this then it must be that. I knew that if she had been converted I would have stopped my studies. At the time I was affecting a lot of people with them. As I learned and discussed I helped them as well. I was both teacher and student for over a year on various mailing lists with members from many variations of faith including my own and hers. I knew I couldn’t stop doing that. And so I accepted the fact that she couldn’t be the reason for what I felt long ago because it would cost me something a lot more important.

Later on I quit the mailing lists as well to step back and think about all I’ve been through. Looking back I know that while at the Mesa LDS Institute I was viewed pretty much as a golden contact. To them my experience led me to the church and all they had to do was watch. They had their own interpretation for my experience and I had mine. It wasn’t until I finally took the missionary discussions that they began to doubt that interpretation.

Interpretation is also a problem for studying experiences. The person doing the study must be able to remove their current beliefs and be able to see entirely from the subject’s perspective. I believe that’s one of the big reasons I had as long of a relationship as I did. I had immersed myself so much into her religion, even attending her church’s services, that I could understand why she was doing things she was doing. I knew how to talk religion without debating or causing an argument.

At one point I began to ask myself “why am I here?” Was it for her? Was it for the general population of LDS? To teach those who had already left? Or was it for myself? I now know that I’m too blind to lead others. I now interpret the experience to be the first revelation of a long process that still continues.

It’d be nice to be able to say a heart felt prayer and know if I was supposed to marry someone. I felt I had experienced such a thing. Looking back I now know that would’ve been a mistake. I believe most experiences if not all are meant to be journeys and not answers. A lot of times people experience something and think how wonderful it was and then forget or they do it again and again and think it’s so wonderful. And soon psychologists are studying your ritual from a behavioral perspective wondering what you get out of it. The truth is nothing because you fail to realize you’re pacing in front of a gate you’ve just unlocked which leads to the real destination. It took along time for me to stop pacing and start walking.

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Welcome to my cave. Well it used to be. In the cave, people are chained together and forced to face only forward. Men behind them carry objects by. A fire behind the men reflects the image of the objects onto the wall. The wisest of the prisoners is that one which can see and describe an object the best and the quickest. There is an instructor present requiring the participation of all there. If one should look towards the light, a sharp pain is shot down the eyes of the viewer as their eyes cannot stand the light. The instructor reminds the person that what is in front is real and what caused pain was merely an illusion.

At times people come in and drag others out into the light. Sometimes we kill them. Sometimes they get out. Sometimes those dragged out come back to drag out others. It was hard to understand why people would follow such fools. After all, there eyes were so dim, they could barely see. It seemed ironic they would call us blind.

One day as we were watching the wall, an object came by. It was circular and had large objects in the center that went around and got smaller towards the edge. Some said the inlaid images were bats. Others, that they were angels. Some trying to act noble would say that both were correct. Truth be told they were all answers and only one could be correct. Even the answer stating the two other answers were both correct. There had to be more to the picture. People reasoned that since we were in a cave that it must be bats. Most accepted that. I didn’t. I knew that there had to be a bigger picture and that we needed to look for it.

I got unpopular very quickly. The instructors knew everything. People assumed they would have an answer to this boggling question. As far as I know they still haven’t made mention of one. They remained silent for as long as I was there. In fact, the object was never shown again. Some would discuss the great mystery on occasion but most ignored it and decided to forget it ever existed. The instructors always told us to focus on what we know and let knowledge come as God saw fit.

God. That wasn’t our area. We were told that we could pray to him and all that but anything new would be revealed only to the instructors. I never bought that. I would talk to the wisest in the cave about objects and found they had seen them all before. They would never say it but it seemed that the mysterious object was the only new thing in many years and it was being kept hidden. Apparently God was the quiet type.

One day a persecutor came in and started arguing with the instructors. Something came up about a piece of an image from a book being stolen. The instructors denied any wrongdoing. They started to describe a circle that belonged above a church with angels all around. My mind raced as I recalled the image. I turned around and was so blinded I couldn’t open my eyes or they would burn. I called to the persecutors to have them take me with them. Those next to me tried to shut me up and warned me of my impending folly. I broke free of my chains and turned around and walked towards the arguing voices. A hand grabbed me and I was pulled outside.

For days I remained blinded by the light. The persecutor revealed his name to be Lex when he perceived we were safe. For those days I was blinded he would guide me and tell me about what he knew. One day he said he would no longer have to speak to me about such things and that I could experience them for myself.

Eventually it became possible to open my eyes at what was called night. In the cave everything was still. Objects only moved across but did not shift form. From the light of the stars and the moon I could see what was told to be my shadow. As I moved, it moved. It was continually fascinated by these shadows and almost wished to stop there.

As I looked back towards the cave I saw the instructors being handed objects by men which were then passed in front of the fire. And I saw that they were flat. And I looked at where the men were getting their objects. In the dark it was difficult to see but it appeared that the men were taking objects from other men closer to the light which I could not yet bear. Because the men retrieving the objects were not accustomed to the light, they wore glasses. As I compared the object to the paintings given to the instructors, I noticed they were not exactly the same. Though the objects were in many ways different I recalled from the cave that the images of the objects we saw were almost all identical.

And my eyes opened some more. When Lex saw that I could now open my eyes in the day he told me that he had to leave. I begged him not to. He had gotten me so far and I wondered how I could obtain better sight without him. He told me that I had heard his words and believed him and now I needed to understand them for myself. He told me that though he would be gone, his spirit would be with me to guide my feet.

I saw him go back into the cave. A few minutes went by and all I could hear was the shouting of the fools inside. “Crucify!” I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. And so I continued my journey.

A day or so later I came upon a pond. My eyes were still dimmed and I could only look down to see the reflection. And in the light I saw a person standing there, looking back at me. Every move I made it copied. I marveled at it and almost began to curse it for mocking me. But soon my eyes adjusted and I realized that I was looking at myself. I saw my hands and that they were solid. Not flat like the images on the wall. And they were filled with color. Not black as they had been in the cave.

As my eyes adjusted I made my way to the men which the men with glasses got their objects from. When I got there I asked them about the image which was seen as bats and angels. At first they were confused at to what I was referring to. I mentioned that Lex who had taken me from the cave was arguing about a stolen image with the instructors. They laughed and told me how those people would always come in the night and steal things from them. They, being in the light, found it difficult to see the evil men come when it was dark. There eyes were slow to adjust. They told me how that one night they had come and found something new and exciting. The instructors rewarded such things well. But what they didn’t realize is that they had not taken the whole picture.

The men explained that it was their job to experience the light of the sun and put things together to show others who couldn’t handle the light, what was there. They further explained that on a certain day they saw what looked to be like a barn. And above it there were a multitude angels singing and praising God. Those who saw it were so excited they ran back to tell others. Well, as we were drawing and writing down the experience it became dark for there was much to write. As we slept the evil men came and stole the part we had written down. That is what you saw. Now that you know the truth you must yourself experience it as we have, and write down those experiences as we have.

I then remembered the cave and the lost souls contained in it. I began to think I should go back and tell them the good news. They told me that the spirit would guide me if I let it. I have on occasion gone back and have told others of the greater life. So far none have accepted it. Because my eyes are adjusted they are quick to challenge me against the wisest of the cave and know that I will fail. I can no longer see as they see. I will drag none out and will leave when it’s obvious I should.

I remain mostly with the men who write their experiences. I occasionally will write my own down for others to see and to keep myself from forgetting. Even as my eyes are still opening, I know that I am still blind. But I wait for the day when I will look at the sun and understand. And one day I too will go back and bring others out just as Lex had done for me.

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God is dead. Talk to the computer. Perhaps he isn’t but my choices seem to be limited to the latter anyway. I’m told this computer holds all knowledge. Anything you ever wanted to know, you could just ask. The problem is not asking the question. It’s knowing what it is in the first place. In the end we may find that the answer is simply 42. As you cannot know the answer by asking a question. I would assume you wouldn’t have asked in the first place. You cannot know the question simply by the answer given. And answering questions nobody asked isn’t very popular. After all, we’ve only got one and if we get an answer without a question, I think I at least would be a bit upset.

To be or not to be? That’s not a very good question. If the answer is “to be,” then what? You live your life as usual with the millions of questions that come with such a venture. If the answer is “not to be” then you go and kill yourself and then what? If you don’t just get it over with you may change your mind and decide to be and then you’ve just wasted your question. If you should realize you’ve wasted your question, you might as well shoot yourself. Considering the state of mind of one asking such a question, one may assume that the person needs a reason to live. If he wastes his question on asking whether or not to live, he won’t be able to ask the purpose of his existence and he’s back at square one. Anyone asking such a question should just slay themselves and get it over with.

We don’t need a computer to tell us we should remove ourselves from the planet. Such a move comes from the notion there is no answer. But we know for a fact there is an answer. What we don’t know, is what the question is. So we can conclude that the answer to our first question is “to be.” We don’t need a computer to tell us that much. So I won’t ask. But now we’re stuck living. Then we may ask “what is the meaning of life?” That’s a nice question if you want to just skip to the end of your existence. Your purposes change constantly. Everyday you affect people in different ways. The meaning of your existence is different from person to person. If you save some kid from jumping of a bridge, the meaning of your life to him was to save his. There is no set meaning to your life. The answer to “what is the meaning of life?” is simply, to exist and interact with those around you. In the end, most lives on this miserable little planet are meaningless. Forgotten as soon as the dirt is piled on top. Meaningless. Everything is meaningless.

So when you’re old and gray and are keeping track of all the people’s lives you affected just so the meaning of your life was something to somebody, you’ll eventually still die. Then what? Immortality through the memory of others is still risky. Think of the trillions of forgotten people. You may know a few names, but do you remember them for what they did? Do you remember them how they wanted you to remember them? Chances are that eventually your life will be just as meaningless as the rest.

So now you’re dead. Forgotten by everyone. It won’t take a computer to find the meaning of life while you’re living but you will need an answer to “what is the meaning of death?” Do you want to wait till you’re dead to find out? I think it would be best to remove the unknown before going into it. Religion teaches that if there is a soul, it can go to different places. You may know the meaning, but what is the destination? If one asks “what is the destination of the soul?” you may get a nice list of possible locations. Then you would need to ask how to get to a specific one. Imagine sailing a boat to Hawaii without directions and ending up on Gilligan’s Island. It would be nice to be assured there is a heaven and hell but if you don’t know how to get to heaven, you may end up in hell. Therefore, I would conclude that the question to ask is this “how may I go to the best existence when I die?”

If you receive an answer such as “buy a nice piece of land to be buried in,” you can rest assured this life is all there is and the meaning of life is to simply live the best you can. You have all the answers you need. You know there is no afterlife. You know there is no God. If you do receive an answer including directions then the meaning of life is to follow those directions and the meaning of death is to complete the journey to the ultimate destination. You also know that there is life after death. Whether or not there is a God, is still not proven unless the directions to the greatest place after death include a command to learn about God.

As I pondered this things walking down the great hall to the ultimate computer I carefully rethought through each of man’s greatest questions. What is the meaning of life? What is the meaning of death? Is there a God? Is there life after death? What is the best destination to hope for after death? How do I get there? I came to my conclusion as I stepped up to the monitor and saw the great keyboard. I calmly typed in “How do I get to the best destination after death?” For I realized without knowing the answer to that question, everything else was meaningless.

The computer bleeped away. And some more. And some more. I wondered what kind of processor was in it. I looked at the case and saw that it read “God inside.” I wondered if it were really God or simply man playing the part. I then wondered if man had created this machine and if man really had the correct answer programmed into it. I wondered if I should actually believe the answer I was to receive.

And then the answer came up. I hit “print” took my paper and walked out the door. I read over it and it seemed so ridiculous I almost tossed it away. It was such a simple answer, I wondered if my question had been silly. But, I decided that I had nothing else to live by so for the rest of my life I lived by the answer given to me. To my surprise, I suddenly found the meaning of life. I could see the purpose in those things that seemed so meaningless. I wanted to share the good news with everyone. And I tried. And tried. Some just blew me off like some fool. Other went to the computer and asked the very same question. They got the same answer. Some of those cast it aside. Some believed just as I. Others said the computer must have gotten a virus and the answer was flawed.

But I believed. And then I died. As I continued my way to the best destination after death I saw a marvelous light. I realized my directions would lead me right to it. When I got there I saw what I understood to be an old man. Ancient in days. Typing away at a computer. I was a little scared at first but when he saw me he told me that he had given me one question on earth but I could ask all I wanted here. So I asked what he was doing. He told me he was uploading more knowledge to the computer down on earth that I had asked my question on. I asked if He had built the computer. He responded that He had allowed men the knowledge to build such a thing. I asked if men had corrupted it. He looked at me sternly and replied “how could I allow men, my creation, to corrupt the only thing that would tell them how to come back to me?” He then continued, “Before books, I sent prophets to tell my people the way home. They killed them. I came down myself as one of them, to tell them the way. They hung me on a tree. I gave men knowledge to produce books to spread the good news. Men burned them. And now I gave them technology and still they doubt.” As he finished I looked over and saw many people blindfolded feeling their way around and falling into a great abyss. One by one. “Look at them. I gave them directions and still they would rather trust in themselves.” “But they’re blindfolded…” “Because they cannot stand the light of the truth. If they were not blindfolded they would go blind from the brightness of the truth that is contained here.” “Can’t you go down there and guide them?” “I’ve done everything I could for them. A guide dog cannot make his master see. They would only be blind robots. Void of will. So into the darkness they go. And so shall they remain.” “Seems a bit harsh.” “Learn what I had done for them and then you will understand.”

At the beginning I found the answer to the ultimate question. Now I search for the answers leading up to the answer I first received. And now I understand. Prophets, books and technology will only convince people of the answers they wanted in the first place. I understood that forever men had been blind and forever will they be. Unless they allow their eyes to be opened and believe.

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Girl’s crying ever since her boy went away

Girl’s crying ever since her boy went away
Boy tell’s her everything’s gonna be okay
He thinks about her all the time
To leave her forever would be a crime

The night is young and so are we

The night is young and so are we
Till a pity that it must be as it be
Parents say tis time to part
Why must it be that way
Tis no more time to play
We must go our ways
We shall be together always
Tis only a night
When we are together again
It shall be true delight

As day becomes night

As day becomes night
I shall fall into sweet slumber
And dream of you
For no dream can be sweeter
Than one of my true love
And when the suns returns
From it’s rest
I shall return to you
And say only the sweetest things
To say how much I care
And how much you mean to me
The only one I ever dream of

As I sit and watch

As I sit and watch
The sighlent stars go by
I often think and wonder why
It is to be that we can see
But to touch is not to be
They are little diamonds in the sky
Although more precious then jewels are they
For though they number more than the sands
They can do as none other
Cause someone to lie and wonder
As the stars drift slowly by

Good morning my Princess

Good morning my Princess

You slept well I pray
As my sun brings in another day
I softly say
I wish only you would stay
Close beside me for alway

Your moon keeps me warm at night
It keeps me far from any fright
I cannot dream of any plight
Knowing you protect and hold me tight

I dream of you and happy things
Looking forward to what a new day brings
As I wake and the morning bird sings
I feel I could fly as if I had wings

I quickly will return to you
And play again as we always do
I know you feel to the same way too
The way I do when I’m with you
And when we bid each other fond ado

As my sun shines no more as bright
I take comfort from any fright
As you keep me warm and hold me tight
As you do through every night

I remember how it was

I remember how it was
The days when I was an innocent cause
Could never say anything bad
Didn’t want to do anything to make someone sad
The days I was an angel like you
Now I feel I don’t know what to do
I seem to be falling away
Maybe that’s why I want you to say
“Together we will be
I want you to see
That you can return
To the higher place
from which you fell”
That is what you to tell
I want to believe
That it could possibly be
That an angel fallen from grace
Could return to his rightful place

Welcome to a bright new day

Welcome to a bright new day
A day we can together play
A day we can sit in meadows of green
And see the noon sun gleam
A day we can go pick flowers
with scents too sweet to devour
A day we can watch people pass us by
And wonder what is in their lives
A day we can see all the sites
Or go to a park to fly a kite
A day we could just walk the streets
So many people we could meet
A day full of surprises
That neither of us could surmise
Another day to make us glad we’re alive

As day come to night

As day come to night
I fear that we might
Be apart for a time
Tis no crime
For time away
Lets us see why
We are together
Like birds of a feather
I take comfort in the moon at night
Knowing you behold the same sight
I see the stars in the sky
And know they sparkle in your own eye
Sleep tight my Princess
Wipe away your tears
For day shall bring us
Together again

Welcome back my Princess

Welcome back my Princess
The sun has risen high to greet us
You have come home from quite a journey
One that has caused much learning
You know more now that you did before
Life has opened yet one more door
Take time to ponder what you are learning
For more you shall soon be yearning
I welcome you back my beauty
For I know there is more for you to see
But for now your journey is at an end
And I shall want with you my time to spend
To tell me stories of the day
That you left and went away

Sleep well my dear

Sleep well my dear
For though you made an error I fear
There is no reason to lose a wink
For though you fear your boat may sink
A simple thing may do the magic
Appologize and the deed no more shall be tragic
For though we do silly things
As everyone does it seems
We shall understand in simple terms
That it causes the heart to severely burn
We know the best thing to cure a conscience
Is to ask for kindness
An understanding that we feel
What we have done was truly ill
And we shall be forgiven
And in the end we shall still return to heaven

Good morning my Princess

Good morning my Princess
Another day less for you to miss
The one you for now can only
Think about as you begin to feel lonely
Knowing that in a day and another
You with him shall be together

A fleeting moment

A fleeting moment
A sigh of breath
All it took to know
That you were Godsent
An Angel not of death
But of life to me he bestow

Sweet was the day I said hello

Sweet was the day I said hello
Sweet was the day you said “I’ll Go”
Sweet was the day I first gave you a kiss
Sweet was the day that I knew it was bliss
Sweet was the day I knew you were mine
Sweet was the day I knew you were a find

Sweet were the moments we shared together
Sweet were the days we spent alone
Sweet were the weeks that went by so fast
Sweet was the realization that it would last
Sweet were the months we were counted as one

Sweet was the day you said it was time
To let you fly free as you wish
And now I sit and wait for the day
That will be as sweet as before
That day you know your place has been found

The Butterfly

A green field warm during day
That’s where I’d go to play
I had my net and I’d surly try
To catch a beautiful butterfly

One day I caught that butterfly
I swore my love for it would never die
I’d admire it day and night
I wished that I could squeez it tight

It was so soft and nice to touch
But it didn’t seem to respond so much
After a time it seemed to say
I want to fly away

I wanted that day to never come
My feelings almost came undone
I knew it couldn’t last and was alright
To let the butterfly at last set flight

The butterfly flew quite awkwardly
I feared it again I would never see
The butterfly flew oh so high
It soared almost to the top of the sky

I was happy to see the butterfly go
I knew it is what it wanted, I knew that was so
So again I went to the field to catch another one
As the last flew towards the sun

As I was about to catch another butterfly
The first it seemed was about to die
It came back as quickly as it could fly
I was confused, I had no idea why

It had said I want to fly
I had said the sorrowful good-bye
You silly thing
use your wings

It had complained of me in part
That it seemed I had torn it’s wings apart
It said I caged it so
It feared I’d never let it go

I let it go, I obeyed it’s wish
Maybe I should have got a fish
Well if you’d like to stay with me
Please let it be for all eternity

If you would like to go
Don’t let the parting be so slow
And don’t get that jealous eye
When I find another butterfly

Is it only lust instead

Is it only lust instead
Or could it be love
Am I thinking with my head
Or using the one up above

I felt that love was true
I thought it could be for all time
But then I learned the truth about you
And felt so foolish to believe that line

Friends forever friends forever
It felt so good to believe
It was a noble endeavor
But now I see you decided to leave

I have to ask myself this
Can love ever up and die
When I was with you it was only bliss
But now to you it’s just a lie

Could we ever
Return to the way it was
All you say is never
When I ask why you say “because”

Is it a lot to ask an question
From one I held so dear
That could alleviate this situation
But you only avoid me like some fear

Am I only for convenience
Am I only to be used
I’ve asked myself ever since
I feel I’ve been abused

It seems silly now today
To say “I loved you.”
When I can’t hear you say
“I love you too” and know it to be true

I’ve come to terms with all of this
I ask myself, is there another
I ask if I’ll know true bliss
Or if I shouldn’t bother

It couldn’t be worse if it was hate
I still must not accept defeat
I shall leave you to your fate
And get back on my feet

I’ll find another love you’ll see
You have yours and I’ll have mine
Forever searching you may be
But I’ll find my one some day in time

It’s seems so hard to find one to adore

It’s seems so hard to find one to adore
I’m sure it’d be easier if just wanting to score
Yet I think it’s best to go for something more

Outer beauty soon is spotted by wondering eyes
But there must be more or leave her for the other guys
Inner beauty so rare to find, but diligently seeked by the wise

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